Madame Askew and The Grand Arbiter

Originally posted to our Patreon

I am deeply pleased to introduce Barney McCuddles. Born in the streets of Glasgow, the smallest in the litter, Barney had a rough start. His mother cat did what she could finding lodging in the back room of a laundry, but this were hard indeed! Concerned that his mum could not care for them all and eager to find a better start, Barney stowed away aboard a transatlantic steamer bound for far off Boston.

Although he was caught by the ship’s cat, Barney managed to work off his passage with no one else the wiser and that old ship’s cat, Jackie O’Snuggins, taught Barney a trick or two in the bargain.  Once in Boston, thanks to Jackie’s recommendation, Barney found work as a pub cat where he worked long and hard entertaining the patrons and corralling the mice. He was a well loved kitty, a boon companion to the barkeep, a fine old Irish Gentleman. All was well until the barkeeper left this mortal coil and his son, a rather nefarious sort, took over the establishment.  Barney had a few concerns about this turn of events but hoped that his warm, happy home would continue to be the place of welcome he had known. Alas, it was not the case and ultimately Barney’s wandering soul and preference for an honourable human took him on an airship bound for the west. This time he could even pay for his fair! 

He landed in San Francisco where he found a Scottish pub, the Grey Unicorn, to call home. Amongst a community of Glaswegians once more, he found a delightful home indeed. The bar keep was as delighted to have a fellow Scot as he was to have such a fine mouser and story teller. No lap wanted for attention, no lonely traveler pined for company so long as Barney was in the taproom.

After several years of public house adventure, Barney settled down with the fine lassie who helped keep the store room in check and often befriended the local shopkeepers in for their night’s pint. Together they  started their own little family, whose descendants continue to work in the Grey Unicorn to this day, and retired happily in San Francisco with a fine view of the Bay.

Barney has gone on to his forever haunt where he will warm a lonely lap and dissuade any untoward mice from taking residence. If in an evening, a pint or a cocktail appears, well, Barney makes no claims but he may know a thing or two about the old faerie ways.

A pip pip and a pint for dear Barney McCuddles!